Lord High Everything Else

The title of this post is almost identical to that of my post from April 26, 2014, which was "My Lord High Everything Else"; here's what I had to say then:

I never saw a production of Gilbert and Sullivan's "The Mikado", but learned about the humorous title of one of its characters from a colleague at a former company, when he was describing the career arc of a high-ranking executive in that company. According to my colleague, the executive had progressively gained more and more power, until he finally became "Lord High Everything Else".

In that post, I was ascribing the title to cash game no limit hold'em; that explains the "My". This time, I'm ascribing it to myself :-) The reason why is that last night, that's what I became in the MTT NLHE I entered. I just kept growing my stack, moving up and up until finally I was the chip leader. I made the final table, then made it to heads up. In the end, I had to settle for second place. I won the most play money I'd ever won in an MTT - $815,600. It was timely, too, since I'd lost $200,000 earlier in the session in a cash game. For the first time in my career, I cracked the 99th percentile barrier. I may never play another massive again; there's serious money to be made in $10,000 BI+EF MTTS. Needless to say, I'm very happy with my performance :-)

During current Hold'em session you were dealt 104 hands and saw flop:
 - 10 out of 13 times while in big blind (76%)
 - 8 out of 13 times while in small blind (61%)
 - 29 out of 78 times in other positions (37%)
 - a total of 47 out of 104 (45%)
 Pots won at showdown - 5 of 10 (50%)
 Pots won without showdown - 6

style flavor buy_in entry players hands entries paid place winnings

MTT   8-Game  45000  5000       6    50      61   12    18        0
MTT   NLHE     8700  1300       9   164     750  153     2   815600

delta: $555,600
cash game no limit hold'em balance: $5,613,037
balance: $10,468,105

My next goal

Poker players can be very goal-oriented, and I'm no exception. My next goal is to return to the golden ratio in cash game no limit hold'em. The last time I was hitting it was on April 27th, 2015. Right now, I'm at +49; what that means is that I need to win 49 more than double the number of my upcoming losing sessions in order to reach the golden ratio again. If I played a cash game NLHE session every night for the rest of the year (including tonight), which would be 94 sessions, I'd need to win 79 of them (or 84%)  in order to get back to the the golden ratio this year. That's a tall order, but I'm gonna go for it :-)

During current Hold'em session you were dealt 99 hands and saw flop:
 - 6 out of 13 times while in big blind (46%)
 - 5 out of 13 times while in small blind (38%)
 - 18 out of 73 times in other positions (24%)
 - a total of 29 out of 99 (29%)
 Pots won at showdown - 6 of 8 (75%)
 Pots won without showdown - 4

style flavor buy_in entry players hands entries paid place winnings

SNG   8-Game    870   130       6    25       6    2     6        0
MTT   NLHE      870   130       9    19    1244  315   427        0
MTT   8-Game   4350   650       6    58      89   18    26        0
MTT   NLHE     4350   650       6     4     127    -     -        0
MTT   NLHE      870   130       9    26    1030  279   442        0
KO    NLHE     4350   650       9    40     256   54    32     5140

delta: $39,001
cash game no limit hold'em balance: $5,813,037
balance: $9,912,505

A mighty big stick

The last two sessions I've played, I've joined a cash game table with a maximum starting stack amount of 500,000 play dollars, and have bought in for the max both times. 500,000 is a mighty big stick to wield, and it allows you to speak very softly :-) So far, I haven't come remotely close to going all in; with such a big stack, that's a good thing. For a good portion of the session, I had three tables going at once - a $1,000 BI+EF SNG 8-Game, a $5,000 BI+EF MTT 8-Game, and a $5,000 BI+EF MTT NLHE. I really enjoy having to make snap decisions, and then making them :-)

During current Hold'em session you were dealt 55 hands and saw flop:
 - 5 out of 7 times while in big blind (71%)
 - 2 out of 7 times while in small blind (28%)
 - 9 out of 41 times in other positions (21%)
 - a total of 16 out of 55 (29%)
 Pots won at showdown - 4 of 4 (100%)
 Pots won without showdown - 3

style flavor buy_in entry players hands entries paid place winnings

SNG   8-Game    870   130       6    57       6    2     4        0
MTT   8-Game   4350   650       6    90      86   18    11     8040
MTT   NLHE     4350   650       6    31     285   72    95        0

delta: $94,797
cash game no limit hold'em balance: $5,762,176
balance: $9,873,504

No better feeling

It still amazes me that I'd been playing online poker for more than 6 years before I tried my first MTT. For pure poker enjoyment, nothing beats MTTs. For me, there's no better feeling in poker than making it to the final table of an MTT, regardless of what the payout is. Last night, for just the second time in my career, I made it to the final table of an MTT NLHE. I've made it to 21 MTT 8-game final tables.

During current Hold'em session you were dealt 85 hands and saw flop:
 - 9 out of 15 times while in big blind (60%)
 - 7 out of 16 times while in small blind (43%)
 - 13 out of 54 times in other positions (24%)
 - a total of 29 out of 85 (34%)
 Pots won at showdown - 7 of 10 (70%)
 Pots won without showdown - 9

style flavor buy_in entry players hands entries paid place winnings

MTT   8-Game   4350   650       6    39      82   18    40        0
KO    NLHE     4350   650       9    38     269   54    39     4950
MTT   NLHE     4350   650       6   238     234   60     3    53900

delta: $75,673
MTT NLHE balance: $99,868
balance: $9,778,707

Saved by zero

Last night, I had a spin and go gorge-fest. I played 18 of them. I can safely say that I've had my fill of them for the foreseeable future. My spin and go balance is now exactly zero, and it's a telling number. I've played 102 spin and gos in my career, and it's clear that if I can't make a profit in that number of tournaments, I'm never going to make a profit. So you could say I've been "saved by zero" from losing money on spin and gos :-)

style flavor buy_in entry players hands place winnings

Sp&Go NLHE     9000  1000       3    43     3        0
Sp&Go NLHE     9000  1000       3     6     1    20000
Sp&Go NLHE     9000  1000       3     2     3        0
Sp&Go NLHE     9000  1000       3    32     3        0
Sp&Go NLHE     9000  1000       3    30     2        0
Sp&Go NLHE     9000  1000       3    21     2        0
Sp&Go NLHE     9000  1000       3    18     2        0
Sp&Go NLHE     9000  1000       3    16     2        0
Sp&Go NLHE     9000  1000       3    11     3        0
Sp&Go NLHE     9000  1000       3    12     2        0
Sp&Go NLHE     9000  1000       3    20     3        0
Sp&Go NLHE     9000  1000       3    14     2        0
Sp&Go NLHE     9000  1000       3    45     1    20000
Sp&Go NLHE     9000  1000       3    53     1    20000
Sp&Go NLHE     9000  1000       3    13     2        0
Sp&Go NLHE     9000  1000       3    21     1    40000
Sp&Go NLHE     9000  1000       3    37     1    20000
Sp&Go NLHE     9000  1000       3    19     2        0

delta: $-60,000
Spin & Go no limit hold'em balance: $0
balance: $9,703,034

Taking spins for another spin

Last night, I decided to take spins for another spin - that is, to give spin and gos another shot. I decided against them when I realized I'd never win without the spin. So why am I trying them again? Two reasons:

1. they're a lot of fun to play
2. I don't have to win without the spin

Playing a spin and go is like poker bonsai; it's poker stripped to its bare essentials. There's a lot of power in that.

style flavor buy_in entry players hands place winnings

MTT   L27Lo    4350   650       6     6     0        0
Sp&Go NLHE     9000  1000       3    11     3        0
Sp&Go NLHE     9000  1000       3    14     1    20000
Sp&Go NLHE     9000  1000       3    15     1    20000
Sp&Go NLHE     9000  1000       3     8     1    20000
Sp&Go NLHE     9000  1000       3    13     1    40000

delta: $45,000
Spin & Go no limit hold'em balance: $60,000
balance: $9,763,034

One hand to rule them all

One of the wonderful things about poker is that if you play long enough, fantastic things will happen to you. You just need to wait; if you wait long enough, you can't help but be rewarded. Last night, I had one of the shortest, but definitely the sweetest, cash games of my career. Not only did I have my best single cash game, I had my best single cash game hand. On hand 15, I won a pot worth $449,253, $294,202 of which was o.p.m. (other people's money). This obliterated my previous best cash game hand, where I won a pot worth $276,0007, $176,647 of which was o.p.m. My profit of $295,394 for the cash game edged out my previous best of $262,204.

During current Hold'em session you were dealt 16 hands and saw flop:
 - 1 out of 2 times while in big blind (50%)
 - 1 out of 2 times while in small blind (50%)
 - 3 out of 12 times in other positions (25%)
 - a total of 5 out of 16 (31%)
 Pots won at showdown - 2 of 3 (66%)
 Pots won without showdown - 0

delta: $295,394
cash game no limit hold'em balance: $5,632,596
balance: $9,718,034

Long is wrong

One of the nice benefits of having written so many blog posts is the ability to crib from myself. As it turns out, the longer ago I wrote something, the better it reads back to me in the present day :-) As near as I can make out, the first time I used this blog post title was on December 1, 2010. Here's an excerpt from what I had to say then (and damn, was I cogent :-)):

I'm pretty sure I first heard the phrase "long is wrong" on an ESPN poker show; it means that if you take a long time when it's your turn to act, you increase your likelihood of making the wrong decision. I can't confirm or deny the truth of this poker aphorism in its original context, but I can confirm its truth in another context -- namely, session length. The more hands you play, the greater the likelihood that your session will be a losing one.

Last night, my cash game lasted a full 150 hands, so you know the odds of being successful were not in my favor. Indeed, I had a losing cash game, but found the will to exit it before hitting the felt.

During current Hold'em session you were dealt 150 hands and saw flop:
 - 13 out of 21 times while in big blind (61%)
 - 6 out of 19 times while in small blind (31%)
 - 37 out of 110 times in other positions (33%)
 - a total of 56 out of 150 (37%)
 Pots won at showdown - 7 of 14 (50%)
 Pots won without showdown - 1

style flavor buy_in entry players hands entries paid place winnings

MTT   NLHE     4350   650       6    43     271   72   106        0
MTT   NLHE     4350   650       6    12     150   36     0        0
MTT   NLHE     4350   650       9    21      92   27    55        0
MTT   NLHE     4350   650       6    30     206   60    73        0

delta: $-58,203
cash game no limit hold'em balance: $5,337,202
balance: $9,422,640

Nimrod

Only a nimrod would keep playing a cash game after tripling his money. Unfortunately for me, I'm a nimrod :-) I joined a table using the default minimum starting stack amount of $100,000. This was due to the fact that I was a little flustered; the table already had eight players, and I was rushing to take the final seat. After 95 hands, I'd built my stack up to $312,833. I needed to pull the ripcord, but couldn't summon the will to do it. One of the things which was keeping me at the table was the massive amount of money in play. It was far and away the most money I'd ever seen at a table in a cash game - a whopping $4,954,664 at its zenith. I wanted more :-) On hand 139, disaster struck - I was dealt pocket rockets, and rode them all the way to the felt. I lost $243,098, setting a new career record for largest loss in a single cash game hand (incidentally, just one day after setting it). However, I wasn't done yet (more's the pity). I reupped for the full maximum starting stack amount of $250,000, and then lost it all in the next 29 hands. The ending this time was even more spectacular - I lost $280,400 on the final hand, besting the record I'd set just 30 minutes before. It will come as no surprise to you that I also set a personal best for money lost in a single cash game - a colossal $350,000.

During current Hold'em session you were dealt 168 hands and saw flop:
 - 8 out of 23 times while in big blind (34%)
 - 7 out of 22 times while in small blind (31%)
 - 37 out of 123 times in other positions (30%)
 - a total of 52 out of 168 (30%)
 Pots won at showdown - 8 of 14 (57%)
 Pots won without showdown - 3

style flavor buy_in entry players hands entries paid place winnings

MTT   NLHE     4350   650       9    13     105   27    51        0
KO    NLHE     4350   650       9     8     310   63   199        0
MTT   NLHE     4350   650       6    19     270   72   146        0
MTT   NLHE     4350   650       9    43      81   18     6    17600

delta: $-352,400
cash game no limit hold'em balance: $5,375,405
balance: $9,480,843

Double worst

Last night, I set two personal worsts in the same session, which (ironically) might be a personal best :-) Here they are:

1. biggest loss in a single cash game hand: $-191,064
2. biggest loss in a single cash game: $-250,000

Though these numbers don't indicate it, I played very well. On the final hand of the cash game, I was dealt Kc Qh, saw a flop of Qd 4s 6s, and called an all in from a player who had me covered. He'd been dealt 2d 3c, and was clearly banking everything on a gut-shot straight draw. Not a very solid plan. I was an 81.31% favorite after the flop. The turn was 2s, which reduced me to a 79.55% favorite. The river was the killer - it was the three of spades, which gave him two pair, and gave me two career worsts in one fell swoop.

I don't feel bad about what happened at all. That's poker! The best you can do is to get your money in good, and I certainly did that.

During current Hold'em session you were dealt 126 hands and saw flop:
 - 7 out of 15 times while in big blind (46%)
 - 8 out of 16 times while in small blind (50%)
 - 33 out of 95 times in other positions (34%)
 - a total of 48 out of 126 (38%)
 Pots won at showdown - 7 of 13 (53%)
 Pots won without showdown - 3

style flavor buy_in entry players hands entries paid place winnings

MTT   NLHE     4350   650       6    83     332   84    40    12900
MTT   NLHE     4350   650       6    55     242   60    48     9400

delta: $-237,700
cash game no limit hold'em balance: $5,725,405
balance: $9,833,243

The disappearing table

Lately, I've been joining deep stack cash game tables, which can have very high maximum starting stack amounts. Last night, I joined one which had a maximum starting stack amount of $500,000. I bought in for $200,000. There was plenty of action at the table, and I brought my stack up to over $240,000 in the early going. However, in the space of about 40 hands after that, I lost about $95,000. At this point, the table started to shrink; players were leaving, and no one was taking their seats. After 94 hands, I was the sole survivor. I decided just to finish out the MTT I was playing in another PokerStars window, then call it a night. I like starting a cash game with $200,000; I'll do that again tonight :-)

During current Hold'em session you were dealt 94 hands and saw flop:
 - 7 out of 14 times while in big blind (50%)
 - 11 out of 17 times while in small blind (64%)
 - 19 out of 63 times in other positions (30%)
 - a total of 37 out of 94 (39%)
 Pots won at showdown - 6 of 13 (46%)
 Pots won without showdown - 5

style flavor buy_in entry players hands entries paid place winnings

MTT   NLHE     4350   650       6    42     319   84   101        0
MTT   NLHE     4350   650       6   118       ?   ?     23    15400

delta: $-28,893
cash game no limit hold'em balance: $5,975,405
balance: $10,070,943

yaps: dalwal

It's time once again for me to introduce another poker statistic. I call this one dalwal. It stands for "doing a lot with a little". It's geared towards MTTs, and ideally should only be calculated for the ones where you made the money. Here's the formula:

dalwal = sum_in_chips / (num_entries * buy_in * num_hands)

where sum_in_chips is the sum of the number of chips you had at the start of each hand. This formula calculates your average percentage of the total chips in play. The smaller your dalwal is, the more impressive your feat of making the money. On Friday night, I had an MTT with the smallest dalwal of my top nine MTTs by percentile; here's the ordered list:

0.0046  2016-09-16a
0.0077  2016-07-10a
0.0107  2016-08-05a
0.0129  2015-09-04a
0.0160  2016-06-21b
0.0183  2016-07-07e
0.0213  2015-09-09a
0.0218  2016-07-29a
0.0219  2016-07-28b

In other news, I had my fourth winning cash game in a row.

During current Hold'em session you were dealt 56 hands and saw flop:
 - 6 out of 9 times while in big blind (66%)
 - 5 out of 8 times while in small blind (62%)
 - 17 out of 39 times in other positions (43%)
 - a total of 28 out of 56 (50%)
 Pots won at showdown - 5 of 11 (45%)
 Pots won without showdown - 6

style flavor buy_in entry players hands entries paid place winnings

MTT   NLHE      870   130       9    93     898  243    26     4296

delta: $43,181
cash game no limit hold'em balance: $6,009,698
balance: $10,099,836

Back to the dime

Last night, I had a monster cash game. It was the second most profitable one of my career, out of the 878 I've played. It brought me back to the dime - my career balance once again tops 10 million play dollars. This was my 15th crossing of that boundary, and the 8th in the ascending direction. This got me curious about all my other million boundary crossings, so I wrote a utility to calculate them; here are the results:

 7  $1,000,000
 1  $2,000,000
 1  $3,000,000
 1  $4,000,000
 5  $5,000,000
 3  $6,000,000
 5  $7,000,000
 5  $8,000,000
17  $9,000,000
15 $10,000,000
 2 $11,000,000
 4 $12,000,000

If I keep playing like this, I might be able to leave the dime in my rearview mirror :-)

During current Hold'em session you were dealt 56 hands and saw flop:
 - 4 out of 7 times while in big blind (57%)
 - 4 out of 7 times while in small blind (57%)
 - 15 out of 42 times in other positions (35%)
 - a total of 23 out of 56 (41%)
 Pots won at showdown - 5 of 6 (83%)
 Pots won without showdown - 3

style flavor buy_in entry players hands entries paid place winnings

MTT   NLHE     4350   650       9    17     100   27    44        0
MTT   NLHE     4350   650       6     5     147   36     0        0
MTT   NLHE     4350   650       9    13      75   15    43        0
KO    NLHE     4350   650       9    39     196   45    26     6420

delta: $207,897
cash game no limit hold'em balance: $5,969,813
balance: $10,056,655

Heads up cash

I've mentioned before how foolish it is to play a lot of heads up hands in a cash game. The reason is simple - if you're evenly matched with your opponent, all either of you is really doing is paying the rake. When you're both taking a minimal amount of time to act, however, it can be mighty hard to step away from the table. Last night, towards the end of my participation in the cash game I entered, I played 55 straight heads up hands. At the start of this stretch, I had $166,903 in chips and my opponent had $940,219; at the end of it, I had $162,981 and he had $937,744. I felt good about holding a much bigger stack at bay for that long, but I was really starting to feel the rake eating into our stacks and was glad when another player joined the table.

During current Hold'em session you were dealt 119 hands and saw flop:
 - 39 out of 49 times while in big blind (79%)
 - 36 out of 49 times while in small blind (73%)
 - 11 out of 21 times in other positions (52%)
 - a total of 86 out of 119 (72%)
 Pots won at showdown - 13 of 32 (40%)
 Pots won without showdown - 26

style flavor buy_in entry players hands entries paid place winnings

KO    NLHE     4350   650       9    24     203   45    92        0
KO    NLHE     4350   650       9    37     205   45    27    10150

delta: $52,935
cash game no limit hold'em balance: $5,784,154
balance: $9,848,758

My new favorite MTT BI+EF level

My recent discovery of KOs in the Tournaments tab of the PokerStars lobby has encouraged me to root around in the PokerStars interface more, to understand my poker options more thoroughly. For the longest time, I was hooked on the $1,000 BI+EF (buy in plus entry fee) MTTs, since they attracted the most massive fields. Lately, however, I've been attracted to the $5,000 BI+EF MTTs; I think they have a lot of profit potential. It may just be infatuation, but right now, $5,000 is my new favorite MTT BI+EF level :-)

style flavor buy_in entry players hands entries paid place winnings

KO    NLHE     4350   650       9    23     162   36    48        0
MTT   NLHE     4350   650       6    81     222   60    19    14400

delta: $4,400
MTT NLHE balance: $62,372
balance: $9,795,823

Hidden treasure

On Monday night, I found some hidden treasure in the Tournaments tab of the PokerStars lobby; it turns out that KO tournaments show up there, in addition to the KO Poker tab. What makes selecting a KO tournament from the Tournaments tab a superior experience is that you can see how long the tournament has been running, and join it at the precise moment you want. Not only can you not do this from the KO Poker tab, the only thing you can select there is the buy in; PokerStars automatically assigns you to the next available tournament with that buy in. Now that I know this, I'll never use the KO poker tab again :-) Thinking about this some more, I'm pretty sure the KO tournaments available from the KO Poker tab are all sit and gos, whereas the KOs available from the Tournaments tab are all MTTs. Even more reason not to use the KO tab :-)

In other good news, I had a very successful cash game. Poker life is good!

During current Hold'em session you were dealt 96 hands and saw flop:
 - 7 out of 11 times while in big blind (63%)
 - 2 out of 12 times while in small blind (16%)
 - 26 out of 73 times in other positions (35%)
 - a total of 35 out of 96 (36%)
 Pots won at showdown - 7 of 9 (77%)
 Pots won without showdown - 3

style flavor buy_in entry players hands entries paid place winnings

MTT   NLHE      870   130       9    21    1422  351   516        0
MTT   NLHE      870   130       9    18    1276  315   606        0
KO    NLHE     4350   650       9    15     280   63    97        0
KO    NLHE     4350   650       9    27     192   45    54        0
KO    NLHE     4350   650       9    70     244   54    11    14620

delta: $165,051
cash game no limit hold'em balance: $5,784,154
balance: $9,791,423

New AJo low

I've had many occasions to talk about AJo, aka ace jack offsuit, the holding which causes me more pain than any other. Last night, on the strength of an AJo hand where I lost $90,011, my AJo balance reached a new all-time low of $-775,436. I've joked before about never playing AJo again, since it loses me so much money. The way I feel now, it's no longer a joke but solidly good advice :-)

style flavor buy_in entry players hands entries paid place winnings

MTT   NLHE      870   130       9    32     972  243   374        0
MTT   NLHE      870   130       6    54     687  168   110     2151
MTT   NLHE      870   130       6    56     593  150    61     2476

During current Hold'em session you were dealt 141 hands and saw flop:
 - 12 out of 18 times while in big blind (66%)
 - 6 out of 19 times while in small blind (31%)
 - 35 out of 104 times in other positions (33%)
 - a total of 53 out of 141 (37%)
 Pots won at showdown - 7 of 13 (53%)
 Pots won without showdown - 6

delta: $-98,036
cash game no limit hold'em balance: $5,784,154
balance: $9,626,372

Table selection

One poker skill that has atrophied while I was playing all those sit and gos is that of table selection. When you're playing cash game, you want to pick a table which has some players with stacks bigger than the maximum starting stack amount, but not too many of them. Last night, I made the mistake of picking a table where all the players had stacks bigger than the maximum starting stack amount. The result was that I was the baby stack at the table, which severely reduced my likelihood of being able to push an opponent off a hand with a big bet. I had a long, slow, steady, and painful descent to the felt. I was actually relieved when I finally hit it. I was glad to be out of my misery :-)

During current Hold'em session you were dealt 113 hands and saw flop:
 - 14 out of 19 times while in big blind (73%)
 - 10 out of 20 times while in small blind (50%)
 - 24 out of 74 times in other positions (32%)
 - a total of 48 out of 113 (42%)
 Pots won at showdown - 3 of 14 (21%)
 Pots won without showdown - 7

delta: $-100,000
cash game no limit hold'em balance: $5,784,154
balance: $9,724,408

yaf

On Friday night I had yaf, aka yet another first. I multi-tabled cash games for the first time. For most of the night, I was playing 3 cash games at the same time. The most memorable hand of the night was the one where I'd been dealt cowboys and hit the felt with them, losing to pocket rockets. It was an "always going broke" hand; in other words, I'd play it the same way every time and don't feel bad about hitting the felt.

style flavor buy_in entry players hands entries paid place winnings

MTT   NLHE      870   130       6    39     694  168   127     1932

During current Hold'em session you were dealt 103 hands and saw flop:
 - 11 out of 14 times while in big blind (78%)
 - 4 out of 15 times while in small blind (26%)
 - 25 out of 74 times in other positions (33%)
 - a total of 40 out of 103 (38%)
 Pots won at showdown - 4 of 12 (33%)
 Pots won without showdown - 3

During current Hold'em session you were dealt 67 hands and saw flop:
 - 7 out of 11 times while in big blind (63%)
 - 6 out of 10 times while in small blind (60%)
 - 14 out of 46 times in other positions (30%)
 - a total of 27 out of 67 (40%)
 Pots won at showdown - 2 of 3 (66%)
 Pots won without showdown - 3

During current Hold'em session you were dealt 77 hands and saw flop:
 - 12 out of 16 times while in big blind (75%)
 - 9 out of 14 times while in small blind (64%)
 - 16 out of 47 times in other positions (34%)
 - a total of 37 out of 77 (48%)
 Pots won at showdown - 9 of 17 (52%)
 Pots won without showdown - 5

delta: $-55,439
cash game no limit hold'em balance: $5,784,154
balance: $9,824,408

The Lightwood bells

As I've had occasion to mention before, Charles Dickens's "Our Mutual Friend" is my favorite novel. As I've also previously said, it's at least two books rolled into one, but more likely three, or even four. One of the books is about the friendship between Mortimer Lightwood and Eugene Wrayburn, two lawyers with very few clients. Mortimer worries about Eugene's growing affection for Lizzie Hexam, a poor girl he can't seriously contemplate marrying. Mortimer sees that Eugene doesn't know his own mind, and also that he doesn't fathom the depth of his affection for Lizzie. He tries to help Eugene by asking him three questions:

'Ah, Eugene!' said Lightwood, affectionately, now standing near him, so that they both stood in one little cloud of smoke; 'I would that you answered my three questions! What is to come of it? What are you doing? Where are you going?'

Eugene can't answer a single one of these questions, which forces Mortimer to keep asking them, at intervals throughout the novel. Somewhat later on in the narrative, Eugene makes light of Mortimer's persistence:

'"Eugene, Eugene, Eugene, this is a bad business." Ah! So go the Mortimer Lightwood bells, and they sound melancholy to-night.'

What do the Lightwood bells have to do with poker? The answer is pretty simple, once I reveal to you that I have aspects of both of these characters in my personality. The Eugene part of me is able to fool himself into thinking that there are no consequences to playing any kind of poker that I like, whenever I like. The Mortimer part of me realizes that the Eugene part is only fooling himself.

'What is to come of it? What are you doing? Where are you going?'

Looked at in the cold hard light of day, I'm going to wrack and ruin, poker-wise, playing sit and go no limit hold'em. I need to stop playing it, period. There will be no Movember to save me this time. The ugly truth is that the tournament entry fees, small as they might seem, turn profit into loss. Let's take a look:

In this 2016 poker year, here are my sit and go no limit hold'em place counts:

1     87
2    121
3    104
4    101
5     69
6     42

     524

I have a net loss of $420,260 playing them. However, the entry fees for these tournaments added up to a whopping $3,073,600. If there were no entry fees, I would have made a profit of $2,653,340. This provides stark proof that playing sit and go no limit hold'em is a fool's errand. It's like trying to win at three card monte; the odds are utterly stacked against you.

So my resolution, as of now, is to play no more sit and go no limit hold'em. I'll still play some SNG 8-game, and some MTT NLHE, but to make any real profit, I'll have to return to my old frenemy - cash game NLHE.

It's a little ironic that I made this decision after a very successful session where SNG NLHE figured prominently in the profit, but the Mortimer in me knows that it's the right thing to do :-)

style flavor buy_in entry players hands entries paidplace winnings

SNG   NLHE    44000  6000       6    51       6    2    2    92400
MTT   NLHE      870   130       9   100     828  216   85     2449
SNG   8-Game  44000  6000       6   162       6    2    2    92400
SNG   NLHE    44000  6000       6    83       6    2    1   171600

delta: $207,849
Sit and go no limit hold'em balance: $2,190,840
balance: $9,879,847

One and done session

If I win the first sit and go of a session, I almost always play on. Winning the first sit and go means I might be in the sweetness, and you never want to stop playing when you're in the sweetness :-) The only exception to this rule is when it's very late at night. In those cases, I'll usually end my night right there. I call such sessions one and done sessions. Last night, I had another one and done session - the ninth of my career.

style flavor buy_in entry players hands place winnings

SNG   NLHE    44000  6000       6    94     1   171600

delta: $121,600
Sit and go no limit hold'em balance: $2,026,840
balance: $9,671,998

Popcorn

I'm really starting to enjoy triple-tabling - playing three tournaments at the same time. This keeps me fully engaged; I never have to wait long for the action to be on me. The frantic pace reminds me of how popcorn kernels pop in the final third of their cooking time - in majestic salvos :-)

style flavor buy_in entry players hands entries paid place winnings

MTT   NLHE      870   130       6    38     728  192   210        0
SNG   8-Game  44000  6000       6    61       6    2     4        0
SNG   NLHE    44000  6000       6    47       6    2     2    92400
SNG   NLHE    44000  6000       6    66       6    2     1   171600
SNG   NLHE    44000  6000       6     1       6    2     6        0

delta: $63,000
Sit and go no limit hold'em balance: $1,905,240
balance: $9,550,398

A long road to fifth place

I played a hodgepodge of styles, flavors, and buy ins last night. I went 0 for 4 in sit and gos, and 2 for 2 in MTTs. Of course, the MTTs had much smaller buy ins, so there was less than zero hope of coming out in the black. Perhaps the most memorable factoid of the session was that it took me fully 67 hands to come in fifth in the SNG 8-game tournament I played.

style flavor buy_in entry players hands entries paid place winnings

SNG   NLHE    44000  6000       6    25       6    2     5        0
SNG   NLHE    44000  6000       9    28      18    4     8        0
MTT   NLHE     4350   650       6    40       -    -    59     7100
SNG   NLHE    44000  6000       6    41       6    2     3        0
SNG   8-Game  44000  6000       6    67       6    2     5        0
MTT   NLHE      870   130       9    53     859  216   201     1494

delta: $-197,406
Sit and go no limit hold'em balance: $1,791,240
balance: $9,487,398

First 18th

There's a first time for everything, and last night, it was coming in 18th in a SNG NLHE 18. There are precious few ways to achieve this while playing well; suffice it to say, I didn't find one :-) I overvalued a pair of aces, and rode them to the rail. After that, I settled in, and played much better for the rest of the session.

One poker style/flavor combo I'm missing is SNG NLHE 45; the last time I saw them on offer was in December. I guess they just weren't popular enough.

style flavor buy_in entry players hands entries paid place winnings

SNG   NLHE    44000  6000       9     6      18    4    18        0
SNG   NLHE    44000  6000       6    42       6    2     2    92400
SNG   8-Game  44000  6000       6    98       6    2     2    92400
SNG   NLHE    44000  6000       6    64       6    2     2    92400
SNG   NLHE    44000  6000       6    21       6    2     3        0

delta: $27,200
Sit and go no limit hold'em balance: $1,941,240
balance: $9,684,804

Fastest first

On Friday night, I had the best result in the shortest tournament I played. I came in first, and only played 11 hands. That's the fastest first I've ever had in a sit and go. Realistically, the only way to achieve this is for one of your opponents to be be playing in a kamikase style, and for him to get lucky and knock out all the other opponents before getting heads up with you. Then all you need to do is wait for decent hands, since he'll be going all in all the time. That's the way it happened on Friday night. When we got to heads up play, the kamikase player had 5,070 in chips, and I had just 930. Four hands later, he had 2,340 in chips, and I had 3,660. One hand after that, it was all over.

style flavor buy_in entry players hands place winnings

SNG   NLHE    44000  6000       6    41     4        0
SNG   NLHE    44000  6000       6    38     2    92400
SNG   NLHE    44000  6000       6    21     4        0
SNG   NLHE    44000  6000       6    15     6        0
SNG   NLHE    44000  6000       6    11     1   171600
SNG   NLHE    44000  6000       6    43     4        0
SNG   NLHE    44000  6000       6    46     2    92400
SNG   NLHE    44000  6000       6    26     5        0
SNG   NLHE    44000  6000       6    31     4        0

delta: $-93,600
Sit and go no limit hold'em balance: $1,956,440
balance: $9,657,604

Nil below 45

45 is a very decent number of hands to play in a tournament, even if you don't make the money. Last night, I played at least 45 hands in every tournament I entered, and I entered 5. The archives confirm that this was a career best. I feel like I'm getting my mojo back in $50,000 BI+EF SNG NLHEs, and I credit playing SNG NLHE 18 for helping get it back :-)

style flavor buy_in entry players hands entries paid place winnings

SNG   NLHE    44000  6000       6    68       6    2     2    92400
SNG   NLHE    44000  6000       9    52      18    4     5        0
SNG   8-Game  44000  6000       6    48       6    2     5        0
SNG   NLHE    44000  6000       6    47       6    2     2    92400
SNG   NLHE    44000  6000       6    49       6    2     1   171600

delta: $106,400
Sit and go no limit hold'em balance: $2,050,040
balance: $9,751,204

UTL percentage

It's been a while since I came up with a new poker statistic, but playing SNG NLHE 18 (my abbreviation for sit and go no limit hold'em with 18 entrants) has inspired me. I submit UTL percentage for your consideration. UTL stand for "under the lights", which is literally where you are when you make it to a final table; in the PokerStars software, lights similar to those seen on televised poker shows are displayed above the final tables. UTL percentage is the rate you make it under the lights. My current UTL percentage for SNG NLHE 18 is 72 (31 for 43).

Actually, attentive readers will realize I haven't come up with a new poker statistic after all; I've simply renamed an old one. I used to call this FTP (final table percentage), but I like UTL percentage better.

style flavor buy_in entry players hands entries paid place winnings

SNG   NLHE    44000  6000       9    27      18    4    10        0
SNG   NLHE    44000  6000       9    38      18    4    11        0
SNG   NLHE    44000  6000       9    48      18    4     6        0
SNG   8-Game  44000  6000       6   156       6    2     2    92400

delta: $-107,600
Sit and go no limit hold'em balance: $1,893,640
balance: $9,644,804